I'm feeling overwhelmed in my day-to-day life - you, too?
Well, this isn’t an inspirational story but I’m hoping others will share their ways of dealing with a total sense of being overwhelmed and provide the inspiration for people like me!
I’ve felt this way for a long time, but today, Easter Sunday, as I realized the only way we could sit down at the table and eat was to clear at least two-thirds of the accumulated “stuff” off of the table allowing us to sit and eat, I realized I need help!! Oh, and by clearing it off to some degree I would be able to get the Christmas table cloth off and into the laundry…yeah, it’s that bad!
I’m a total information person and with the internet it’s even worse. I swear every time I finally throw something out within 2 weeks I’ll wish I had it for some reason or another.
A friend told me she has a cleaning service come once a week…to clean, of course, but mainly so she has to go around the day before and clean up the week’s clutter! (I love the idea, but of course my house is so cluttered right now no one would be able to find anything but a walkway to clean!)
Any other ideas for those of us who are both procrastinators and a bit ADD? I’m looking for suggestions like my friend’s - not just “open the mail by the trash can and throw out what’s not important right away.” Tried that but too much “information” abounds in my mail that I may want to at least read. You get the idea, I’m really drowning here.
Are there any ways you trick yourself or force yourself to keep yourself and your house and/or office under control? Any ideas will be much appreciated…but now I have to go see if I can find the placemats I took off of the table at Christmas when I put on the tablecloth! 
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Mary, I suggest you check this:
1) Take a “Kolbe A™ Index” test. Its worth every penny! I made it a few days ago and really helped me to re-discover myself, this is A MUST. Link: http://www.kolbe.com/kc08/assessment-tools.cfm
2) Read “The 4 hour work week” by Tim Ferris and read his blog, really useful tips to work smarter. Link: http://fourhourworkweek.com/
Good luck!
Ditto what Jorge said!
Kolbe is an enlightening tool for individuals and couples.
4HWW got some scathing reviews initially. Now it’s been vindicated.
Has anyone moved to ‘digital paper’? I once saw a demo of a scanner that was the size of a kitchen rolling pin. Quick scan and the hard copy was discarded.
Here’s another possible book: “It’s All Too Much: An Easy Plan For Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff” by Peter Walsh.
I don’t know if it’s in the book, but the discussion of the book talked about separating emotion from possessions… ie, it’s really departed Aunt Bessie we love, not her china that we inherited. So, we can let the china go, and still continue to hold Aunt Bessie in our hearts.
I too am feeling very overwhelmed and overstimulated by all of this new information. I love reading it all and following links and getting sidetracked for hours and even days at a time. I get very behind in my personal life and in the projects that I am working on for my own strategy. What has helped me is making tiny, baby-step goals; ie, “I won’t sign onto the forum until I throw in a load of laundry”, “I can’t follow this link until I empty the dishwasher”. I also set a couple of goals in writing on a post it note in front of my computer. Even if it is just one thing, there is a tremendous amount of satisfation in crossing it off when completed. There was an attendee at the San Diego seminar who is an efficiency consultant - maybe she will see your post and offer some professional suggestions.
Hi Mary! Boy I can relate to the home catastrophe phenomenon and I come from a fine line of pack rats, which compounds things. In addition to working our business in the evenings, my husband and I both still have very well paying full time jobs that we still enjoy and aren’t ready to give up yet. So we’re short on time, too. Add in a 6 year old, an almost 4 year old, and tons of toys from relatives and there are times where I feel we could qualify for disaster relief! As the kids get older, it gets better in some ways because they can help. Even though my husband is awesome and does just as much in the house as I do, it can definitely feel overwhelming at times!
For the outside, I have outsourced my lawn services and installed an inground sprinkler system with a timer. At least my house looks good all the time from the outside! I have one service that mows the lawn and another company that does the fertilizing. My husband’s time is worth more than theirs, so it is well worth the money.
I can relate to having to have the basic stuff picked up before you can outsource the inside deep cleaning. Instead I’ve been creating storage places for the normal things we use to make it easier for my kids to help pick up and put things back where they belong. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with having someone come into my house when I’m not there, so I don’t know that I’d outsource the deep cleaning until I have more time at home. By that time, my kids will hopefully be old enough to be considering household tasks & allowances.
From time to time, I’ve found that I need to change how I use different rooms in the house as my kids have grown. For example, when we finished the downstairs bathroom, we lost the storage space we used to use it for previously. But we never used the formal dining room once the kids were born, so I made that into a toy room and sold the table & chairs that weren’t getting used.
I’m trying to electronically archive as much as I can instead of keeping paper copies that I don’t need to keep for legal or tax purposes. I think it is less about having the physical copy and more about knowing how to quickly find the information. I bought a delux shredder that allows me to shred credit card offers and other junk mail without opening it. Chances are if I really need something, I can Google it or call the company and they’re happy to send me more stuff. Or I can search the libraries online and borrow when I need materials.
I keep a charity donation box handy so when I run across items to be given away, it just goes into the box. When I get a few boxes full, I drop it off at a local charity while running other errands.
Unlike my college days where I’d pull all nighters, I just don’t get large uninterrupted blocks of time. I’m learning to think differently and work in smaller, but more frequent increments. It’s amazing how much you can do in 20-30 focused, uninterrupted minutes when your kids are asleep. Do that several times a week and you do see progress. I try to organize while picking up so it is easier to maintain by anyone in the house.
And I make appointments for cleaning/organizing tasks in my PDA calendar so I effectively set aside the time and can better manage where I spend my time.
I think it is easy to get too wrapped up in business activities as the higher priority and then you get behind in household maintenance. But just like incremental business goals, I’m trying to change my home maintenance approach to incremental improvements and adaptations to my current needs.
When I feel like I’m making progress, even if it’s only a little at a time, I don’t feel as stressed out.
Hope this helps, I look forward to seeing other people’s ideas!
Our lives are busier. That’s the one big denominator in all of this.
I remember once hearing that we’re great at creating “to do” lists, but not great at “don’t do” lists. That hit home. Mary, I was reading what you said about the Christmas tablecloth. Hey, I don’t do Christmas tablecloths, so you’re already one up on me!
I am married to a pack rat, with a son who is a pack rat. My maternal g-mother was German and had the most efficient, neat, modern home you’d ever see. I am most comfortable in that environment, but I’ve learned to adapt.
My big question was “How can I afford someone to come in every day and clean, do laundry, & do the shopping?” I figured out how much someone would cost and then figured out how to make that money. That was the best thing I ever did. Right now it’s Mon morning, and she’s not in yet and the house is a wreck. (We have high polish black granite floors and the backyard landscaping at our new house isn’t completed. Buddy, who is 130#, goes in the pool and then walks through the dirt….on to the floor. You have to see it to believe it.)
The best way I found to have Richard & David let go of stuff is if it’s clothes they don’t wear anymore or some gadget they don’t use ask if they want to give it away to the orphanage or homeless shelter. And then we deliver it ourselves. One weekend David and his friends picked oranges at the neighbor’s house (he’s an invalid and couldn’t do it and if you leave them on the ground, they attract pests). We then took the oranges to the homeless shelter. You’d have thought they were made of gold. Fresh fruit was so appreciated. THat made an impression and so that helps with the hoarding instinct.
I don’t have the solution, for sure But those are just some of the things that work for me. I try not to sweat the small stuff and remember I only have a few more months until David is 18, so cherish the time he’s still a “kid”.
Diane, great point on the “don’t do” lists.
Mary - the book, “Focal Point” by Brian Tracy works this angle very well on productivity.
I love that idea of passing things on for others to use. It reflects philosophies of abundance and sharing. We release former possessions out into the universe, so that they can serve others.
When we hold on to some old, unused object because we, “might need it someday,” that kind of says we believe in scarcity, and feel we won’t have the money to buy another one in the future.
Thank you all for your suggestions!!! Just knowing I’m not the only one lightens the mental load tremendously. Sometimes we assume that everyone else is totally in-control…just knowing that’s not so helps.
I used to be very organized in my work space, but now most of that is done from home. And in MD I had a walk-up attic and a full, finished basement but in CA we’re on a slab and no attic ‘cause of cathedral ceilings…at least in MD I could keep a lot of the stuff out of the main living area.
luckystar wrote: Has anyone moved to ‘digital paper’? I once saw a demo of a scanner that was the size of a kitchen rolling pin. Quick scan and the hard copy was discarded.
LOL - I bought one (it’s called PaperPort), never found the time to figure it out and now it is lost somewhere in the house!
Hi Mary,
Your story hits a nerve with me, too! I’m tidy(ish) by nature but the people I live with aren’t, and none of us are dedicated housekeepers. Here’s what I have found that works for me:
Create a space that’s clean, and removed from the clutter - and don’t let others violate it (I swear, if I clean a space my husband is then compelled to start putting things on it). He doesnt understand my need for visual peace and quiet, but he has learned to respect it. In my space, I can organize my thoughts and I often find that it calms me to the point where I can cope with the things I can’t or don’t want to control. Yes, I could have a clean house - as long as I was the one prepared to do all the work, and I’m not. Make this spot your work space, or your meditation space … whatever you want to call it. Don’t move all of your other stuff in at once though - you’ll just be relocating the problem.
Once that’s set up, start to take on the clutter, but slowly, and one aspect at a time. If paperwork is one of the problems, take a stack at a time into your work space and deal with it - read what you need to, make notes, copy pages from magazines (so you can ditch the rest). and then either file or discard the paperwork. Don’t try to do a “big picture” on the mess, and don’t try to do it all in one day. The idea is to retrain yourself, and that will only come with repetition. Spending a limited amount of time means you have time for other things, and it becomes something you are less likely to procrastinate about doing, as the “overwhelm” factor has been removed.
I hope this helps …
Hi, Mary, et al.
I have read all the comments on this topic and it is clear that we all understand the condition. There have been some really great ideas and suggestions that have come from this discussion. Mary, I hope that you come to the conclusion that you do not have to do this alone. As Diane mentioned, the cost of other people helping you is a cost that you can cover, probably through an activity that you enjoy more than the activities that overwhelm you.
There is a National Organization of Professional Organizers; it is called NAPO and the website is www.napo.net. This is a member driven association, so the website is part of the marketing presence used by the individual members. There is a section on the site that allows you to check the boxes of the type of organization you need (e.g. closets, moving, home office, etc.) and you add your zipcode. The database will give you a list of organizers in your area, or as near as it can get, who specialize in the type of service you are looking for. Some of the organizers will have a link to their personal websites. You can call them, e-mail them, meet them to find someone who can help you get through the piles, the clutter, the chaos that is weighing you down.
Keep in mind that it is okay to hire someone to help. No need to be embarrased; organizers who make a living at this just LOVE to dive in and put it all to rights! Many of them will actually do much of the “hands on” work right alongside you or with your kids or by themselves if you so choose. They can create “homes” for all the migrating matter so you and hubby and the kids all know where the stuff “lives”. Your organizer may also help you set some household “policies” or “agreements” by which you and your family agree to abide, along with agreed upon consequences.
One example is a woman whose pre-teen and teenage children knew that if they left their personal items around the house in “common areas”, on Fridays mom would collect all the stuff in a large, yard-sized waste bag, seal it and label it with the date and put it into a place in the garage. Once a month, mom took the oldest dated bag to the dump (or, maybe hospice). The kids knew that the consequence of leaving their stuff where it did not “live” was tantamount to never seeing it again, unless they went bag diving to retrieve their lost items. For this mom, it did the trick.
I hope the approach of using the services of an organizer proves helpful in clearing through the stuff and creating new behaviors so you can continue to enjoy your newly cleared space. Keep us posted! I am sure we would all love to hear your success story around this.
Totally understand how you feel. In my family I am the pile maker and my wife is the neat freak. We both have jobs which we will leave as our business grows. It never seems like I am organized enough. I seem to generate more piles of paper and things to do. My to do list seems to transfer to the next day more often than not. Because we are building a business and we do have our jobs we really have had to make rules to keep us from doing nothing but work.
I too really like the idea of the “don’t do” list. It reminded me of the best book that I have ever found for really helping you rethink what is and isn’t important in your life. It’s got to be at least 10 years old, but I would assume you can still find it. It’s called Simply Your Life by Elaine St. James.
My issue has always been organizing and prioritizing all of the things that are left that I do need to do. I looked and looked for a simple organization tool to replace all of the yellow stickies next to my computer, in my purse and on my kitchen counter and finally I gave up and created my own. It’s just a simple Excel spreadsheet so that I can see all of the different categories of items at one time (this was the most important feature to me) and it is very easy to update (since you can add or delete items, highlight them, bold them, whatever your preference).
If you’d like me to send it to you, just send me an email. Or, my web address is www.tlvgroup.com. If you go to the About Us page, there is a comment form that will feed to my email.
Thanks for all of the suggestions. lisamini - I’m sending you and e-mail, I’d love to check out your spreadsheet.
When things get out of control in my life, it usually means I’ve lost focus of my goals and I’m letting too much clutter (physical, mental and otherwise) creep into my life. When I notice this, I immediately refocus on my daily to-do list. I’ve made my own template that I fill out every night for the next day. It forces me to schedule: daily visualization of my goals; one income-producing activity; one personal development activity; one opportunity to mastermind with wealth-oriented individuals (like you!); and a daily opportunity to focus on cultivation of leadership skills. I schedule those things first, and then add in the trip to the grocery, the drycleaners, my daugher’s soccer game, etc. And if something doesn’t make the list, than it wasn’t worth doing in the first place. Oh, and don’t forget to ask for help when you need it. My family has taken over more household work so I’ll have more time for income-producing activity - the payoff is more family vacations!